Blah(g): Rethinking

I’ve been assigned as a doctor in an area that has been doctorless for almost 2 decades and the challenges are like piles of stone being thrown at you since day one with occassional pauses and rewinds to remind you the rough reality of life. It has been an overwhelming 13 months. I had my regrets but I also had my blessings. I was treated mostly like a dispensible commodity and what kept me going was my patients who needed me. I had my depressive episodes and escapes. I had witnessed the true colors of most politicians and public workers. I learned patience, courage, silence, and maturity. I would like to think that me being here voluntarily serving the poor communities is enough to give back to my country.

Now, I’m left with 8 months more, with an on-going masters degree in public management and a thesis which hasn’t moved on since last year. I’m leaving things still messy and this attachment to this place seemed strong enough to make me want to stay for a few months (despite the shitty things they do to me) before my residency and before the elections.

To stay or not?

A person told me if it would make a difference then go ahead. If it is just pride and feelings of attachment then it is a waste of time. And time is not something I want to waste. Is it worth it? I honestly don’t know. You see, I’m not good at letting go.

I’m rethinking.

What would you do?

Messy

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One thought on “Blah(g): Rethinking

  1. I’d make a list of reasons for staying and for leaving — and then next to each reason, write the predominant emotion for that reason. People often only focus only on the reasons themselves but if you acknowledge what emotions are behind the reason, often times a path can become clearer. Reasons motivated by “negative” emotions such as fear, guilt or anger might tell you what you need to do to make it easier to follow the reasons motivated by “positive” emotions. But “negative” isn’t always bad. For example, “fear” might be telling you that you are going to be doing something new/unknown which is a good thing — it means you are learning and growing. Fear is always somewhat normal when you leave certain stages of one’s life like childhood or an apprenticeship.Anyways, good luck on whatever path you take.

    Liked by 1 person

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